Sensitivity

One of the many reasons I write on this blog is to be an educator - to maybe give people a better understanding of what it is like to go through a situation like mine so that in case you meet someone in a similar situation, you might know better what to say/what not to say. I know that I have said or done some insensitive things just out of pure ignorance of what someone may be going through, so I say these things as a reminder to myself as well...

A couple of things about adoption and infertility:

Adoption is not a cure-all for the difficult feelings that one faces from day to day as a result of infertility. Sure, it may diminish the pain. But, nevertheless, there is still pain for the children that never came to be. So, yes, at times, it is still hard to hear people talk about their pregnancy or exclaiming over its hardships. I do wish that I could have experienced that, and at times, I have a rather crazy curiosity at what it might be like to feel a little foot kick at my ribs or a little elbow nudge out the side of my belly. When you know someone who has or is experiencing infertility, please be mindful of your conversations. While they may be wearing a smile on the outside, no doubt they are fighting a battle within to keep up the appearances. Also, while I am on this topic, the many women who are currently in the midst of infertility do not want to hear anything resembling the thought, "Oh, once you adopt you will get pregnant." Actually, I believe the statistic is something like 5% of couples who are infertile and choose to adopt will get pregnant. We just happen to hear all of the "it happened to them" stories. And as an adoptive mom, I don't/didn't like hearing that because I felt like people were saying, "once you go the alternate route, the real thing will happen." I didn't adopt to "test" God to see if we would be "one of those couples" and I feel like comments like that diminish the choice that we made and intrude upon the very beautiful gift of adoption.

As far as my own thoughts and struggles with infertility:

This is one of those things that is a little slippery for me to grasp. Sometimes it is hard for me to allow myself to mourn the loss that we have faced through infertility and be okay with that. On the one hand, we have still faced a loss and that feeling of loss will never completely go away. On the other hand, I know that without facing infertility we would not have Levi, and for that, I can actually be thankful to God for giving us such a great blessing through such a difficult trial. So, it's kind of one of those things that's hard for me to reconcile because while I am ever grateful to be where I am now it doesn't mean I have to "forget" where I have come from or pretend that the road we've traveled has been or will always be easy.