Down but Not Out

I can always tell when I am feeling a little bit more down...and maybe you can, too, as I find myself ignoring blog updates. I have just been doing a lot of thinking and little bit (okay, maybe more than a little bit) of grieving. I think grieving is a process; just when I think I am doing well, something comes along to remind me that this is not the way things are meant to be - which, as a Christian, is a good reminder, but not always easy. Part of the issue is that this second adoption process has been so frustrating. It is so slow and we feel like we keep hitting roadblocks. At this rate, I feel like we won't be getting on the waiting list until June - seriously. I was overwhelmed by this last week - I kept thinking how it's not fair that we have to wait so long and that it is so hard for us to have a family. And while I love my church and church family, going to a church where babies are born about every other week (no joke) makes weeks like last week a little harder to understand and be okay with this path God has for us.

Levi...I am so proud of the progress he has made. But, I see his friends hitting the milestones like crawling and walking, and it is hard. I want that for him so badly. I was talking to his PT today about wheelchairs and walkers and she said we will have to start thinking about that seriously come October if we are not seeing the progress we hoped for. That's not a fun conversation. I know we were both hoping to see him crawling by Christmas, and a month past he still seems to not be close to getting there. I want him to stand so easily as it seems for his buddies. I want him to be getting into things and crawling and having to chase after him because I can't keep up. I want that. But we don't get to choose...

BUT

I CAN choose my attitude and perspective. And, although sometimes it's a minute by minute challenge, I will choose to trust God, who is trustworthy and who loves us more than we can even fathom, regardless of how I feel or the circumstances I am facing. I am thankful for His patience as I continue to grow and learn through some of the more difficult seasons of life.