Bittersweet
Levi's birthday brings out many varying emotions for me, and I think his birthday will always be bittersweet. Nate and I had a long talk yesterday after his party was over. It's a lot to take in - thinking about how far he's come, looking forward to what's ahead, and pondering the many "ifs" that still remain and will continue to be question marks for some time. It can be difficult watching Machiah do things and passing Levi in many areas when he is so much younger as well as watching Levi's friends, who are also younger, do much more than he can. It's like I just want time to stop for everybody else so that Levi can have time to develop and stay ahead of his peers age-appropriately. His birthday and Christmas have been difficult because it's hard to direct people in what are developmentally appropriate toys or gifts for him - it's not like you can just go to the toy store and pick out any toy that says for ages 2+, and even for the toys that he does get, to see other kids interacting with them in their intended use rather than just being amused by watching the toy. Don't get me wrong - I am not complaining and I really did enjoy his birthday. (And I am really grateful that we have such supportive friends and family who really know Levi. ) It's just bittersweet because there are a lot of reminders that this isn't the way it's supposed to be, and I just wish it were as easy for Levi as it is for other kids. I feel like it's a natural thing, too, for big milestones like birthdays to look back on where your child has been and where he might go from here. We love Levi so much, and he has given us indescribable joy and taught us so much - with more joy and teaching still to come, I am sure. It's a daily choice to trust that the Lord is good and that His plan for Levi is perfect and good and to focus on the positive - and there is plenty, plenty of positives and blessings. For us - it's just a bittersweet journey.
So that was where I was last week. This week, God has answered several of our prayers and I couldn't be more thankful for His continued faithfulness in our lives. First and foremost, after a somewhat long and drawn-out process, our lawyer has finally obtained M's birthfather's signature. (It wasn't that he was refusing, he just would never make the effort to show up to the specified places to do it.) This solidifies the adoption and the last "little" step will be finalization before a judge in court, hopefully in the next month or so. Really, really big and great news! Secondly, Levi has to have a minor surgery, and we did not think that we would be able to get it scheduled before the end of the year. This was a big deal because we started this year off with a big surgery and meeting our (very high) deductible within two weeks of the beginning of the year. We didn't want the same thing to happen again next year. I spoke with a very kind and accommodating scheduler for this surgery, and she not only got us in for our initial visit, but also went ahead and scheduled the surgery all within about 2 weeks of each other. We don't always find that doctors/nurses are so kind, patient and willing to work with you, so it was such a blessing to encounter this on something that really made a big difference for us. Finally, we had a trip to Riley this week for a check up on Levi's eyes. Despite missing an appointment in the summer and deciding not to patch (because he hates it and I didn't want to make him do one more thing and I wasn't completely convinced it was necessary), the doctor said Levi's eyes look really great and are even stronger than when we saw him back in March! So awesome. So encouraging. No glasses and no surgeries in the near future for Levi.
So, that was our big week in answered prayers and reassurance from God that He is walking carrying us through this crazy journey called life. I am so thankful that He makes Himself so visible and present when we need Him most.
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