Teachable Moments 1

A Day In the Life...

Several weeks ago, I had to take Machiah to the doctor for a regular check up. It's always an adventure going in there - 1) I have the double stroller and it's always quite comical navigating narrow hallways and tight rooms 2) I almost always have some sort of issue with the boys' names (they have to have their "official" names in the database until they are legally changed. Levi's has been changed, Machiah's hasn't). Checking in was no big deal & the appointment went fine. However, upon checking out, I wanted to re-schedule both boys together for their next appointments. Shouldn't be a big deal, right? So, the lady asks what my oldest son's name is, I respond (spelling it out) Levi Conner. She says she can't find it and asks if it would be under anything else. I said, possibly Bereket Conner (again, spelling it out). Still she can't find it. She asks for his birthdate, I give it to her and she eventually finds it. What she says next, though, is just ludicrous. She says, (and I quote), "Oh, well, it's just that they have two different dads and I was looking for Levi C**** (Machiah's given last name) instead of Conner." Ummmm.....reallly?! I was completely taken off guard. My immediate response to her: "No, they don't have different dads, well, they were adopted, so they do but..." and I can't remember how I finished. I really couldn't believe the audacity of this lady to take liberties on my family circumstances in an office with several other people. Have many issues with what she said:

1. I know what she was thinking about our family, and it was not that our sons were adopted. She clearly was never listening to me, even though she asked me what Levi's name was. I said it and spelled it, but she continued on thinking whatever she wanted. If you ask a question listen to the answer.

2. I wanted to defend my husband as the father to both of our children, and as my immediate response dictated, they have no other dad.

3. I don't want to have to always clarify that my sons were adopted. I've said it before, I'll say it again, Levi and Machiah are my sons. They were adopted, now they are just my sons. Of course they will grow up knowing they were adopted, but I don't think it's necessary that I should have to spell it out every time for someone else's ignorance.

Had I had more time and patience (and clarity of thought) in the moment, I would have dealt with the situation right then and there. However, two boys, one getting cranky, I just needed to leave. However, I didn't want this to go unnoticed...not for me, not for any other family who might visit that office. I like our doctor too much to quit going (and besides, never seeing them again doesn't fix their problem), so, I called the office manager a few days later and let them know the situation. Thankfully, the manager was so kind and apologetic and as flabbergasted at the lady's asinine comment as I had been. Frankly, I think she was embarrassed that her employee would treat someone with such disrespect. She assured me that she would use our experience (though, change a few things to protect our privacy) in the next office staff meeting and assured me that nothing like it would happen again (along with more apologies). Thank you very much.

Thankfully, I have had few situations like this (I have one more, not so bad, to tell in another post). I came home and talked it through with Nate. Even though our boys are young, they will eventually be privy to understanding comments and situations like these. I want to use them as teachable moments, rather than moments I am frozen by surprise or indignation. My boys are learning from me in moments like these and I pray for the grace and wisdom to respond appropriately so that they will be able to respond as well when they are confronted with situations like this.