Dear Shanna, Love God

I sat down to do my Bible study for today and was just really blown away with the timing of what I read.  We have been studying Philippians in Experiencing God's Peace by Elizabeth George and we are nearing the end of our study.  Today's verses were Philippians 4:10-14.  Here is some of what I read today and felt God just wrapping His arms around me...

"But Paul, the humble servant and prisoner of the Lord, considered himself to be "God-sufficient." His confidence was always and securely rooted in the Lord and His sovereign providence over his life. Paul could face anything, not because he was like the Stoic and not because he was competent, but because, in every situation, he had Christ." p. 124


"It's amazing that as we as God's children look to His Word and His promises and His strength, He graciously -every time and without fail!- provides the strength we need to take just one more step along our God-ordained path." p.127


"Learn as Paul did that you, too, can do, endure, complete, cope with, and manage all things through Christ who also strengthens you." p. 127


"Look to the Lord for His strength. He is the mapmaker who designed the path of your life. He knows the beginning and the end of it. You can trust God to bring you to His expected end...p. 127-128


"Live out - in front of your family and friends - your confidence in God and your contentment in every situation.  Paul had just instructed the Philippians to look at him as he lived out his faith. Your family, too, needs a shining example of what it means to know and trust the Lord." p. 128


Yes, God. I hear You.  Thank You for Your loving care for me and my family.  Thank You that You have a plan and that I can have complete confidence in Your plan because nothing takes You by surprise.  Help me to me to have confidence in You, to trust You, to be content in all circumstances and to be "a shining example" to Levi and Machiah of what it means to know and trust You completely in all things.

Riley Day

Today was a "Riley Day."  We left this morning around 7:30 and got back right at 7:30 this evening.  These make for long days.  We were able to get two appointments on the same day, so that was very convenient and lessens the number of trips we make down there.  We will shortly be admitted into the Cerebral Palsy clinic which will allow us to see several of our doctors on the same day, at the same place, back to back.  This will also reduce our number of trips down there, but more importantly, allow the doctors a chance to talk about Levi together as they seem him individually. I love this. I think it will be so helpful for him to have his "team" together and have my questions answered by all of them in one trip. Very excited about this.

Back to today...

We saw the eye doctor and the developmental pediatrician - I really like both of them (however, not so much the eye doctor today as we waited over an hour after our scheduled appointment time) and they both are very thorough and willing to stay and answer every last question I can throw at them.  And that was quite a few today for the developmental pediatrician (we were probably the ones that made other people wait, as she sat with us for over an hour discussing his progress, development, and future needs).  Overall, Levi really is doing fantastic...

-He is feeding himself with a spoon

-Starting to use his pincer grasp more (thumb and pointer together) to pick up small objects

-Using his gait trainer, much to his delight

-Has moved to a twin sized bed and is able to find a way to transition himself out of it all by himself

-Is able to get to kneel and tall-kneel at a kids table to play for short amounts of time

-Is able to follow commands

-Is able to point to an object when you ask him (i.e. "Where's the cow?")

-Is babbling more and more with a few more words and will begin to use a communication board 

So, overall, really good.  BUT...we did have the wheelchair discussion. That's always really hard.  And I think we really need to consider it.  Levi is getting very heavy to carry around, and we pretty much have to carry him everywhere, except on the main floor of our house or others' houses.  Up and down the stairs.  In and out of church.  To and from the car when we are not using the stroller.  It's a lot and he gets very heavy very quickly.  We talked about it from a standpoint of our self-care (saving our backs) and from the standpoint of others' caring for him (grandparents, church caregivers, babysitters, etc).  We will be meeting with the wheelchair people some time in the next month or so just to talk about the logistics and to see when/where/how/if this is really a necessary step right now.  Even if he walks, the likelihood of him needing a back-up mobility device is pretty high.  He will probably tire quickly and there will be some places that walking will be more difficult.

On the one hand, I am excited to think about the possibility of it.  He needs to be up at eye-level and able to play up at age-appropriate toys like other kids his age, as opposed to mainly having access to toys on the floor.  And, obviously, this would help mobility issues in several situations.  On the other hand, it's a very hard and emotional thing.  I have always equated a wheelchair to him not being able to walk and really minimizing his abilities.  I know this is not true, especially as it will only maximize his abilities. But sometimes the heart and the brain just don't connect.  And it's just another thing that sets him apart from other kids and being "normal."  I hate that. And it makes me sad. But we will do what we have to do and I know that in the end, we will make the best decision for Levi - not for me, not for Nate, but for Levi. 

Re-Post: How Eternity Shapes the Mundane

Nate shared this with me yesterday morning, and I thought it was such a good reminder.  I thought maybe you might find it as encouraging as I did:

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/how-eternity-shapes-our-mundane

Here's a small excerpt:
"...we forget that our children are more than just potential adults. They are people made in God’s image and they have eternal souls. When the mundane looms larger than eternal life we forget who God is, who we are, and who our children are."


Sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) I get bogged down in the mundane every day things.  I get overwhelmed by the small things that I want to get accomplished or want the boys to learn in the day to day that is our life with toddlers right now. Earlier this week, I was completely overwhelmed with thoughts concerning Levi and pre-school - his communication, his mobility, his cognitive understanding - and just feeling like a complete failure to him that I have not done enough to help him along.  Yes, these things are important.  But his capabilities or improvements in these areas do not define my worth as his mother, and even more importantly, they do not define him.  Sometimes I lose sight of that, like I did this week.  


I am thankful that God puts things in my path that remind me of what's really important. What defines us, and what is most important, is our relationship with Jesus Christ.  That's the only thing that really counts in the end. Whatever Levi or Machiah accomplishes in life, the most important thing that they could ever do is accept Christ in their life and live a life that glorifies Him.  And that should be my number one goal and priority as their mom - taking the every day moments to shape their hearts and minds for Christ.  

The Park

 When your child is not mobile, outside independent activities are very limited.  I feel like going to the park is sort of a right-of-passage event for families in our stage of life.  It's the thing you do at least once a week when the weather is nice and your schedule permits.  It's also the favorite play date meeting place when the weather is good. However, going to the park has been more a source of pain and frustration for me.  It is no fun to go to the park and stand around with other moms and watch their kids play while your son sits in the stroller right beside you when he should be playing right along side them.  At most parks, there is not much that he can do besides be pushed on the swing or go down the slide with either Nate or I (and you can only do those things for so long).  Most parks are covered with mulch, so taking his gait trainer and having him explore it that way is not an option either. BUT, we finally found a park that is not like most parks!  This park not only has a spongy area that makes up the floor of the playground, it also has a giant toy structure that is handicap-accessible (and this park is just 10 minutes away!).  So, not only can Levi walk in his gait trainer through the playground, he can play in the playground area with other kids.  We went for the first time yesterday, and I could have cried I was so happy (but I was too happy to cry!).  It was such a joy to be able to watch Levi and have him be able to play among other kids, up and around them, instead of watching from a distance. The only bad thing about the experience was that I didn't have my camera :) There is always next time...and there will definitely be a next time, and instead of dreading it, I will happily find excuses to go! (Thanks Jen P. for telling us about it!)

Gluten-Free

I am officially jumping on the gluten-free bandwagon.  Nate and I have been dabbling with and discussing a gluten-free diet since before Christmas.  (A little background on this - after doing some research when we first started looking into this, Nate found that people with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) tend to have some level of gluten intolerance.  I have PCOS, and this is one of the main reasons we decided this might be something worth trying. Some women with PCOS who completely eradicated gluten from their diet, along with other noticeable health differences, got pregnant shortly after.  I am not saying this will happen by any stretch, but it is always worth a try!)  We were doing a pretty good job of making our meals gluten-free (mainly just focusing on meats and veggies - not buying "gluten-free" items).  This past week or two, I have eaten quite a bit more things with gluten (chips, tortillas, bread, crackers) and have really noticed a difference.  I have had an almost constant headache since Sunday and have been really tired and sluggish, among other "symptoms."  I was talking to Nate yesterday about the headaches and tiredness, and he suggested that it might be that we've had quite a bit more things with gluten than we had been having.  I am thinking he is right, and it seems I might have more of an intolerance than we anticipated (nice to find something like this out when you are 30; I wish I had known this so much sooner!).  So, we are going to buckle down in the next month and try to completely cut out gluten to see if there is a difference in the way that I am feeling.  It's not an easy thing, especially for me, because I am a salty snack kind of girl.  But, I think the difference in the way that I feel will make it worth the effort.  Thankfully, there are few blogs I follow that have shared some good gluten-free meals without breaking the bank to buy the gluten-removed items like pasta and breads.

It Matters

Kony 2012....Trayvon Martin....When Helping Hurts...

My head is spinning with new understanding and recognition of very weighty issues (to put it mildly).  Before we had L and M, (I am ashamed to say) I probably wouldn't have given much thought beyond a passing notice of the very public issues of Kony 2012 and Trayvon Martin.  But it matters to me now.  And it should have mattered to me before.  Becoming parents to two black kids doesn't change the facts of what has gone on and what currently goes on in America and around the world.  Being a white American, it seems like we have a choice to take notice or take action - but we don't.  It should not be a choice, especially as a Christian, to say that another life matters, regardless of skin color or race or where a person lives, and to stand up and say something is very wrong here.  What does that action look like, though? I don't know.  I think it looks different for different people.  But the question about action is in the "what should I do" not the "if I should do."

If you haven't spent very much time looking into these issues, here are some good places to start:

About Trayvon Martin

On Kony 2012 

Controversy of Action: Trayvon vs Kony 2012

Trayvon Martin, Race, and the Gospel by John Piper

A Survivor's Thoughts on Kony 2012

Gotcha Day (part 2)

Happy Gotcha Day to my sweet Machiah Samuel!  It definitely wasn't  a day like today (this weather is just nuts!) but I am happy to spend this beautiful day outside with my family in celebration of this special first Gotcha Day for Machiah.

Looking Back...
After receiving confirmation that the family had chosen us to be Machiah's parents, we weren't exactly sure how many days it would take to get the paperwork done.  But, once we found out he was going to be our son, we couldn't wait to get him home as soon as possible!  (I guess, though, it couldn't be anything but quick, relatively speaking, given the circumstances.)  The call came in the middle of Levi's physical therapy session, so good thing my mom was here as a back up, just in case something like this occurred.  I quickly called Nate (or was he the one that called me?) and he came home.  Off we went to meet our son, contemplating on the hour drive the amazing events that had transpired in just 10 short days.  We were sure that this is what we wanted and were supposed to do, but we had some concerns about the speed of the events and not having time to prepare ourselves fully or, especially, Levi.  All those thoughts that probably many parents expecting their second child face, bouncing throughout our minds, without much time to really digest them all...Is this too soon for Levi?  Is this too soon for us?  How will Levi adjust?  Will we be able to give Levi the time and attention he needs and tend to the time and attention of a newborn?  Can we do this? Are we crazy? (I felt like we were slightly crazy!) These and many other questions flew through our minds, not just on that day, but throughout the course of the 10 days from when we received the call to even the few days after we brought Machiah home.  But, through the questions and the doubt, we had an underlying sense that this was right...that Machiah belonged in our family.  And that couldn't be more true.  I simply cannot imagine our life without him.  Levi and Machiah are the best of buds (on most days) and he brings so much joy and laughter to our family.

I love being able to tell our story and share how beautifully and miraculously God has written it.  I have no doubt that Levi and Machiah were perfectly chosen to be brothers through God's divine wisdom.  Our God is so wise and so loving and full of grace to give Nate and I such wonderful sons.  We are eternally grateful and look forward to seeing how God will continue to write our story and see what (who?) He has for us in the years to come.

Coming home...

 Proud Mommy...

 and Daddy!

Lev, meet your brother!

Thank you, Lord, for our sweet Machiah!