I'm Not Ready

We've been out and about a bit more and I've realized how easy it is to stay inside in the comfort of my own home or my own little circle of friends who love our family and don't see us any different than any other family.  There's comfort and protection and there's love and kindness and a knowing of us in that circle. I'm not ready to leave that comfort and protection and knowing. I'm not ready for the comments from others or the "special" treatment or the million times I hear "Wow. You've got your hands full."  (Really? It's just two kids, people.)  I'm not ready for the kid who, just saying it like it is, states "Every time he comes here, he drools all over the floor."  I'm not ready for kids to think that my son is different. I'm not ready for adults to talk to my son like he's a little baby.  I'm not ready for adults to treat him differently than any other child and to repeatedly single him out even though I'm standing right there. And even though I've had the question asked more times than I care to count, I'm still not ready for the stranger to ask "Are they biological brothers?"  I'm not ready to think about special needs pre-school or the evaluations that come with that.  I'm not ready to let my son go into a world that can be so unkind and thoughtless.  I would much rather stay here and shelter him and love him and show him every day that no matter what anyone else says or does, he's no less than any other child, that he's not "special", he is SPECIAL. Oh, my heart breaks already...and I'm just not ready.