Black Baby, White Hands: A View from the Crib by Jaiya John
I had been meaning to read this book for quite some time, and I finally got the chance when I received it for my birthday. This book is told by a grown adoptee, one of the first African American adoptions to take place by a Caucasian family. I found myself both torn by his circumstances and by what his words must have felt like to his parents, as it was a very honest view of his difficulty growing up in a white family in a town that was predominantly white. While it was hard not to ignore the obvious difficulties he faced, I also felt my heart tug for his mother who loved him the best way that she knew how. A difficult (as in thoughtful) read, but a good one, especially if you are going through an interracial adoption.
Being a self-ascribed "sensitive" person, and being that way from a very young age, the author recounts the difficulties he faced, more or less feeling like an outsider to his family throughout his life. In the later stages of the book, he explains why, but his parents chose not to discuss race - or anything having to do with race - throughout his growing up years. As one can imagine, this was very difficult as the author tried to understand who he was and where he fit in - both in his family and in his every day world. Because of the lack of communication and perceptions by both the author and his parents - the parent/son relationship was pretty rocky, especially with his mother. He never felt he could open up to her about the constant thoughts in his head and she could never understand his "sulking" nature. It was important for this young man to be able to find a place where he could discuss who he was, honestly and without fear of rejection, as that fear of rejection seemed to one of his biggest battles in life.
I don't want to ruin the story for you, so I'll stop there...however, here are some things I will take away from this book:
-Accepting your child for who they are doesn't mean ignoring how they are different. Acknowleding and discussing those differences with your child - in their time and on their terms - will deepen your relationship and help them know that you accept them regardless of their differences and similarities.
-Every child is different. The author also had an adoptive brother who was also African American along with three caucasian siblings. Although we don't see the brother's perspective, it seems like his response to being adopted was much different than the authors. Respond to each child as needed...some are "sensitive" and need to talk it out to get it out while other children just kind of roll with the punches. Know your child.
-It was difficult at times for me to read this book because it seemed like a less-than-positive outlook on interracial adoption. However, things have come along way since the 1970s/80s. I am not naive enough, however, to believe that racism is nonexistent. It was good to be able understand the authors perspective and to examine myself and to prepare for the inevitable negative reactions from others. I think a lot of what the child receives is in how the parents respond, and we will have to carefully consider our thoughts, comments, and body language as we respond to others' less-than-favorable opinion of our family and be able to discuss these circumstances with our children if/when necessary.
I could probably continue, but I think those are the "highlights" of this book. As I said, it was a difficult read, but definitely worth my time. I found myself only being able to read small chunks at a time...there was just so much to process and absorb before moving on in the book. It's definitely worth your time, so if you get the chance, pick it up...but it is by no means a "beach read"!
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